For spouses, parents and friends

When someone you love is struggling: how families can help

Watching someone you love struggle with drinking, drug use, PTSD or another mental health condition is hard. Here is what you can do, what to say, how to look after yourself, and what happens if you call for them. True Again Care is a program of FHE Health.

Call (833) 596-3502 What happens when you call

You can make a difference, even before they are ready

You cannot make another adult change. But what family members do can still help.

Research on an approach called Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) shows that family members can learn skills that encourage a loved one to start treatment. In a review of trials, CRAFT helped more people start treatment than Al-Anon or Nar-Anon facilitation or a confrontational intervention.

CRAFT is a calm, non-confrontational approach. It focuses on connection and positive change, not on forcing a showdown.

What the CRAFT approach teaches

CRAFT is taught by trained therapists. It aims to help your loved one become willing to start treatment, and to help you feel better too. Its core ideas include:

Reward the good moments. Spend time together and show warmth when your loved one is not drinking or using. Step back from those rewards when they are.
Talk in a positive way. Calm, positive communication is at the center of CRAFT. Share your concern without blame or judgment.
Tell support from enabling. Enabling means making drinking or drug use easier or more rewarding without meaning to. CRAFT helps you notice it and change it.
Put safety first. If there is any risk of violence, your safety comes first. A CRAFT therapist talks this through before suggesting changes at home. If you are in danger, call 911.
Build your own life too. CRAFT also helps you set goals for yourself, such as work, school or time with friends, whether or not your loved one changes.

To learn CRAFT, ask a licensed therapist or counselor whether they use it. SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 can also give you information on support and treatment.

What to say, and what to avoid

Based on guidance from SAMHSA and NIAAA, two federal health agencies.
Try this	Avoid this
Pick a calm, private time when they are sober, such as at home or on a walk.	Talking while they are drunk or high, or in front of other people.
Be direct and specific about why you are worried.	Ganging up on them or backing them into a corner.
Listen without judgment and ask how you can help.	Labels and blame. A substance use disorder is a health problem, not a lack of willpower.
Say that treatment can help, and offer to help find options.	Expecting one talk to settle everything. Change takes time.

Words you might use

SAMHSA suggests simple openers like these: “I've been worried about you. Can we talk?” or “I've noticed you haven't seemed like yourself lately. How can I help?” or “I care about you and am here to listen.”

If your loved one says no, give them some time. You can raise it again later and keep offering to help. Small moments of appreciation when things go better can matter too.

Look after yourself too

It is stressful. Caring for someone with a substance use or mental health problem can be stressful and draining. Taking care of your own health is part of helping.
Set limits. You can tell your loved one what you are and are not willing to do. If they reach out very often, you can set certain times to talk.
Make time for yourself. Make some time each day for yourself, such as going outside, reading or listening to music. A support group or family therapy can help too.
Family support helps families. In research on family approaches, family members' own well-being improved whether they used CRAFT, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, or another family program.
Your job. If you are eligible, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) may let you take leave to care for a covered family member who is getting substance use treatment. Your employer may not act against you for providing that care.
Someone to call. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, is confidential, open 24/7 in English and Spanish, and is there for families too.

What happens when you call FHE Health for someone else

You can call on someone's behalf. FHE Health admissions staff answer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and calls are confidential.

Step 1
You talk with an admissions counselor
For about 15 to 30 minutes, they ask about your loved one's substance use, mental health, medical history and home life. This is a screening, not a diagnosis.
Step 2
Share what you know
It helps to know what substances your loved one uses, when they last used, their medications, their medical conditions and any past withdrawal. It is fine if you do not know everything.
Step 3
Benefits can be checked
With your loved one's insurance details, admissions can check benefits and explain possible out-of-pocket costs. Checking benefits does not commit anyone to treatment at FHE Health.
Step 4
You hear the options
Admissions explains which level of care may fit. Any clinical assessment is done by FHE Health's licensed clinical staff. If FHE Health is not the right fit, admissions can point you toward another provider.

Support for families at FHE Health

FHE Health offers family and couples counseling, weekly virtual family education groups and a family guide. Restore Balance is a voluntary support group for families of FHE Health patients with mental health needs. Taking part in your loved one's treatment depends on their permission.

For families of first responders, Stronger Together is a support group for spouses and partners, and there is a monthly First Responder Families podcast. Read more on our pages for first responders and veterans and military families.

When it is an emergency

Call 911 right away if someone:

Cannot be woken up, or has trouble staying conscious.
Has slow, shallow or irregular breathing, or is making choking, gurgling or snoring sounds and cannot be woken.
Has bluish or very pale skin, lips or nails, or skin that feels clammy.
Has a seizure, is very confused, or is vomiting after heavy drinking.

Questions families ask

Can I call even if my loved one does not know?

Yes. You can call to ask questions and learn about options. FHE Health admissions staff answer, and calls are confidential.

Will you tell me how my loved one is doing in treatment?

Only if your loved one signs a release of information that allows it. Without one, FHE Health does not share their treatment details with you, except where the law requires it.

What if they say no to treatment?

Give them time, then raise it again and keep offering to help. Meanwhile, look after yourself, and think about learning the CRAFT approach, which was built for families of people who are not ready yet.

Should my loved one just stop drinking on their own?

Not suddenly, if they have been drinking heavily for a long time. Stopping suddenly can cause dangerous withdrawal, including seizures, and the same is true for benzodiazepines. Encourage them to talk with a doctor first, since medical help such as medically supervised detox can make stopping safer.

Talk it through with admissions

Call FHE Health admissions at (833) 596-3502, 24 hours a day. You can ask about your loved one's situation and learn about options before anyone makes a decision.